My Understanding of Communication

          Communication takes many forms and affects every aspect of our lives.  Interpersonal communication is the interaction of two individuals.  Active listening, personal constructs and relationship development are key elements in interpersonal communication. Group communication takes on different dimensions than interpersonal communication.  Individual traits combine to create a group and we can learn about ourselves from how we assimilate in a group.  Organizational communication is communication within organizations.  This is generally work related, but applies to any organization.  Understanding how to be effective in interpersonal, group, and organizational communication is part of my journey to self-actualization.

Interpersonal Communications

            Interpersonal communications is a term used to describe informal conversation between two people, in person (Trenholm, 2011).  This can be between friends, family members, coworkers, lovers, or any other time two people get together to talk.  This is a kind of communication at which I excel.  I have had a great deal of training and experience to master interpersonal communications and my gifts in this area inspired me to carve out a path for myself in communications as educational and career goals. 

            The key skill for successful interpersonal communications is the art of active listening.  In my early twenties I was fortunate to attend a Stephen R. Covey training called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People provided by my employer.  In this training, active listening was emphasized as one of the habits highly successful people employ and I have made it a point to develop this habit ever since.  When I listen to a person speak, I don’t think about what I am going to say next; instead, I really listen to what they are saying.  I ask questions based specifically on the other person’s dialogue and I validate their words by paraphrasing what they have said.             

            Active listening is helpful in all relationships, from a new acquaintance to a spouse of many years.  For successful interpersonal communication active listening strengthens any relationship because people like to be heard.  In my experience, people love to talk about themselves, even the shy ones.  Because of this fact, when a person feels that you are present with them and really paying attention to everything being said that person will feel a kinship with the person listening.  This is part of why psychologists can charge money for their services.  People want to feel heard so much that they are willing to pay money just to have an hour where they can talk about their feelings, problems, and anything else that comes to mind. 

            Not only do I listen to people in a way that makes them feel important, I truly care to hear what they have to say.  Maybe this is because I am really curious about people.  I love people watching and imagining what the story is, so when someone is willing to share their story, I willingly listen.

            Listening skills are just one factor in interpersonal communication.  I can’t just sit and listen, I also have to share.  I’ve always been very good at speaking my mind and the older I get the better I get at doing just that.  Diplomacy is critical in one-on-one interaction.  If I want to offer constructive criticism I do so in a way that makes the listener feel that I’m telling them this because I care, and I usually do care otherwise I wouldn’t even bother.  I like to look for the most positive traits in the person I’m communicating with and compliment them throughout the course of our interaction.  Sometimes people change their whole demeanor in a positive way because of a compliment (Chavi, 2009). 

            Opening up about my own personal life is another factor in interpersonal communication.  The key is to share the right amount based on the person I am talking to.  I don’t want to bore, unload on, or scare someone I am having a conversation with so I have to monitor what I share and with whom.  I also pay attention to how long I “have the floor” before passing it back to the other person.  The one downfall I know of in my interpersonal communication is my tendency to use big words.  I am not trying to be a know it all; this is just the way I speak.  To some I may come off as pretentious and I have such a hard time toning it down.  My parents were both teachers and they constantly encouraged me to read and find any other method of self-education at my disposal.  An entire childhood spent in advanced classes, and a family of scholars created a vocabulary that actually intimidates people.  My son is only nine and he sounds like a little grown up when he talks.  My husband’s cousin remarked that he looks just like his dad and talks just like his mom.  I do not believe in talking down to children so I always talk to them as though I would peers, in words not necessarily content.  I love children because they ask me to clarify if they don’t understand what a word means, grown ups just tend to glaze over and tune me out if I get too academic.  This is something I am working on; I am trying to remember my audience when I talk. 

            Communication is a multi-faceted concept that affects every aspect of our lives.  Professional, personal, public, and private, communication is a key element in every situation.  My personal motivation for studying communication is as multidimensional as the topic itself.  My personal and professional life will benefit in numerous ways, as will the lives of those I communicate with.  Defining communication proposes a challenge because there are opposing viewpoints and perspectives to consider.

            My motivation for studying communication is that communication affects every single aspect of my life.  Every sphere of life relies on some form of communication.  We must use it in every interaction and non-interaction.  By studying communication I will be more effective as a human being and people around me will benefit from my communication as well as from the example I set.  Good communication skills are contagious.  People pick up on positive communication as well as negative from those around them.  If I practice communicating well, I am improving my quality of life and the quality of my interactions.

            My values vary based on the individual and I find almost zero consistency in constructs I use to describe people.  When making a list of similarities and differences among people I know, I found very little uniformity to my answers.  My constructs are based on the individual I perceive.  I tend to rely on stereotypes, but not so much to classify people as to understand them better; and I do use different constructs to describe men than women.  Although I recognize flaws in my personal constructs, I am very insightful when it comes to reading and assessing others.  I hold myself to a much higher standard than I hold others to, not because I think I’m better and capable of more than everybody else, rather because I hold my expectations very high and I do not feel it is fair in assessing others; I do this to myself, I won’t do it to others.  In creating my personal constructs list I was surprised by the one recurring theme and surprised by other elements as well. 

           

           Constructs can actually have a huge positive or negative impact on the way I communicate with others.  Personal constructs are shallow and limited when a person is shallow and limited in their perceptions; to have a rich and complex perspective one must develop a deeper personal understanding and an open mind to the vast richness humanity has to offer.

            Every individual has a unique inner core.  To classify and categorize is to completely ignore that unique inner spark.  There is, however, a place for stereotypes in learning about people.  Defending stereotypes is completely against my personal beliefs, but stereotypes are based on truth at some level.  If I can mentally catalogue what an individual is projecting on the world based on outer appearance I can glean a deeper understanding of what is happening inside of the person to inspire to project that image.  The reason a person personifies a stereotype is key in knowing how to communicate with him or her. 

            I allow gender to have a huge impact on the way I perceive people.  I know my gender issues are not always fair, but this assessment is also based on a lifetime of gender observations.  Women have been stigmatized as inferior throughout the history of society (Nuttman-Schwartz, 2007).  This inferior stigma pervades communication between the sexes and impacts my perception in male-female communication.

            Personal constructs I use affect my dealings with others, but my constructs are based on actual observations of the person and not on stereotypes that I refer to for understanding.  One example of a personal construct I use is whether or not I think somebody’s parenting skills are compatible with my own, or if somebody likes to spend their time the same way I do.  My constructs also tend to gravitate toward food a lot and the other people’s relationships with food.  It’s just not enjoyable to go out to eat with someone who picks at a lettuce leaf while I eat a large plate of pasta.  If somebody is from another culture, I love to learn about their food and their eating habits.  I think a lot can be learned about a person based on their menu.  Food is just one of the many ways people from differing backgrounds can find common ground. 

            Humans have so many individual constructs within themselves and finding a way to bridge the gap between everyone will enrich our experiences.

            When meeting a stranger I self-disclose only basic, superficial, conversational pleasantries.  However, I am very curious about people, maybe even a little nosey, so I'm a good listener and ask open-ended questions that encourage communication without being invasive.  When I get to know a person, and find a connection, then I self-disclose what is necessary to keep the friendship budding.  When a friendship is more intimate I share a great deal because I've established trust.  I only disclose to people who would actually want to know about me.  I don't like to emotionally overwhelm people who don't have a deep interest in me.  My self-disclosing habits have dramatically changed throughout my life.  My current approach has developed from experiencing positive and negative results. 

            My relationship with my husband taught me a lot about the relationship development model.  We were married very young and grew up in vastly different cultures. We experienced Trenholm’s whole relationship cycle, minus termination (Trenholm, 2011).  After communicating through our dysfunctional patterns we strengthened our relationship. 

            I have witnessed several relationships break apart because of a failure to resolve dialectical tensions (Trenholm, 2011), including my parents.  My parents provided a wonderful example of mistakes to avoid.  How we fight dramatically affects the quality of our relationships (Bernstein, 2010).  Tone of voice, words chosen, and body language impact the quality of interaction.

Group Communications

            I used to belong to a training group that required group consensus for all decisions.  Managing communication between 13 individuals so that each person’s needs are met is a tricky process.  Our teacher passed the facilitation to me during decision-making discussions because my skills in this area are very good.  My tactic in managing group consensus discussions is to direct an equal amount of my energy to each person.  When all feedback is presented the group needs guidance to process and agree upon each idea. 

            Because I am outgoing and confident, people feel comfortable allowing me to take the lead.  I am physically attractive, by my culture’s standards, and I am intelligent.  I am also a pragmatist and can usually direct the energy of a group by observing and using behavioral patterns.   The traits I embody usually place me in the role of leader; however, I support the lead well when in a subordinate role.  I frequently play the role of peacekeeper because people look to me for guidance overcoming conflict. 

            The people that are close to me are dear to my heart.  I care for the groups I work with socially and professionally.  I put a lot of energy and care into my groups so I tend to be territorial.  I show this by directly addressing any change, positive or negative.  I always find out what is going on with everyone and follow up frequently.  

            I have a large personal space bubble.  I have a loud voice and am animated with my body language; consequently I need a lot of room.  I also feel anxious when people hover close to me or get too close to my face.  However, with my husband and children I have no bubble at all. 

            The most important group I belong to is my family.  My relationship with my family taught me the most about communication.  I am very open with my oldest son.  I speak to him the way I would speak with a peer because he deserves intelligent interaction.  I talk to the baby as though I expect him to understand every word because I think this helps him learn language faster.  My husband and I always present a united front with the children and share everything with each other.  When conflict arises I fall into my role as peacekeeper.

Organizational Communications

            Interpersonal communication skills and group communication skills benefit organizational communication.  Professionalism, responsibility, sincerity, and concise communication are also helpful (Marques, 2010).  Organizational communication differs from less formal types of communication and although I am well versed in successful organizational communication I have issues with hierarchical rules.  Organizational communication does require acknowledgement of proper channels and upward and downward flow of information (Trenholm, 2011). 

            To be successful in organizational communication it is important to be aware of personal attributes, work content skills, and technological skills.  My personal attributes are strong communication skills, ability to work well within groups and alone, leadership skills, organization, attention to detail, and presenting skills. 

            In conclusion, communication is crucial in all aspects of life.  Interpersonal communication is one-on-one communication. Group communication is how we communicate within our groups and the roles we play.  Organizational communication is communication within organizations such as work.  Understanding how to be effective in interpersonal, group, and organizational communication is part of my journey to self-actualization.

           

References

Elizabeth Bernstein.  (2010, July 27). Bonds / On Relationships: Fighting Happily Ever After --- There's a Right Way To Argue and It Can Be Good for Relationships. Wall Street Journal  (Eastern Edition),  p. D.1.  Retrieved September 6, 2010, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID: 2092133821).

Chavi, C.. (2009, December 2). FREE-DOME: The Power of Words. Call & Post  (All-ohio Edition),  p. C.5.  Retrieved September 6, 2010, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 1928722561).

Joan F. Marques.  (2010). Enhancing the quality of organizational communication :A presentation of reflection-based criteria. Journal of Communication Management, 14(1), 47-58.  Retrieved September 21, 2010, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID: 1956404111).

Nuttman-Shwartz, O.. (2007). Myths of Women and Their Reflection in a Therapy Group. Clinical Social Work Journal, 35(4), 237-244.  Retrieved September 6, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 1376373921).

Trenholm, S. (2011). Thinking Through Communication: An introduction to the study of human communication (6^th Ed.). United States of America: Allyn & Bacon.